I’m not used to like someone, it may sound a little bit weird because I always have detailed observation over somebody. I don’t want to sound so mental or at least too much caution. I need to fit in, I need to be friends, I need to know you and now I know you. If only you knew it, if only you could spend a little time just to get into a deeper conversation, just as friends. I don’t mean of being assertive, I’m not demanding. I want to take care of you, I want to protect you, if only you let me. I don’t care. If only I could tell what I really feel towards you, I would do it. But, I don’t want to end up hurting myself, that’s why I decided to keep it. Maybe this isn’t the right time. I know I don’t deserve any pieces of your heart, but I’m a person, I feel what humans feel. I want what others want. I’m not that kinda girl who gets things easily, I need to work on it, either sooner or later, I might have it or end up getting nothing. Partially at least, I don’t know.
25th February 2014, 5:14 PM : Does that really matter? Just to get compliment and love or attention from anyone? I’ve had enough. It’s okay. I’m older… I’m not a kid anymore. I know I can deal with this current situation. It won’t be long though. But, even harder I try my best not to feel that way, I don’t think I could get any better if I keep being someone like this. Do I really need to explain it further? Can they understand? I’ve been so down lately… Okay, let’s get it short, I always want to be the best of anything, I will get so mad if I can’t get the things that I want. I used to hate and hurt myself for being such a loser. But, now I really am trying to calm myself down and be happy. I’m trying! All I do is trying… and now I don’t talk so much. I understand though.. that nothing will get solved with anger…
7th February 2014, 3:38 PM : I’m being me. It depends on you whether to like it or not. I don’t wake up everyday to impress you. If you keep finding someone according to your types, then re-check yourself, there is something wrong we called stupidity of trying to be perfect. So ultimate loser! Kill yourself.
Goshhh! Do you really think I'm actually wishing him to die?
C'mon. Lemme get this straight. Wishing death on someone is such a pure evil!
I just reflect on emm! LOL smells like Nicki Minaj!
Goshhh! Do you really think I'm actually wishing him to die?
C'mon. Lemme get this straight. Wishing death on someone is such a pure evil!
I just reflect on emm! LOL smells like Nicki Minaj!
Dear anyone willing enough to spare an ear,
I’m still here and fulfill. Still I can be fulfill, even I do reminisce that this world is unfair, so are the people. People who never wanted to think even for a mere moment. Human being is the worst of all. They should have think carefully before bringing something up. They need to have a little respect for themselves beforehand and not the other way around. I'm sick of these stuck-ups. What are the words to describe this feeling? It’s not working with rant, not even rage, maybe vent. That’s all that I’m capable of doing.
I could hardly believe it that I had actually went through these two weeks. I could manage my anger and not flare up instead. Everything was a breeze. Even if there were some pests or twerps blocking my way. I don't hate people anyone but I totally dislike some of their unacceptable behavior. It’s unfair to everyone. I know that I’m not the one who gets paid for it. Yet, I don’t mind. I really don’t care but it’s UNFAIR. I know it’s not easy to talk to a twerp.
I realize that Allah is testing us…whether we can handle it wisely or instead. My friends should know that too. Got patted on the back for nothing. It is not a good thing, however much they think it is. I’m very good at keeping things to myself :’( Only Allah knows what I really feel deep inside :’( But, I just go on pretending like nothing happens, I should’ve done better, it should be better, I’ve tried my uttermost best to reach the best results. But, why this thing keeps haunting me, distracting me like a stumbling block? ‘This’ makes me fall even if that’s my own persistence, my effort. It looks like I’m falling even if the fact that I don’t… It looks like everything I’ve done has ended up to no avail. Just lay off people.
Well, a saying above can describe all that happens in my school. Some people just never realize about their mistakes until they are caught by teachers or parents or even the society all around. But, what a life, right? That is so injustice. It’s even funnier when other people didn't care much about the people who did the same things as they who are caught. I can’t even imagine how that feeling of knowing that I have been seen as a delinquent while the others are freely sense the enjoyment :/ But, I’m not talking about me. It’s about the problems that happen around us almost every day. I can’t say that I’m innocent, I know where I stand and who I am. We can call it’s normal. Yet I still think it’s morbid. That’s my opinion on that matter. I have a commitment issue. Everybody has a different point of view. That’s okay.
Goshh! Do you really think I'm talking behind people's back?!
I’m still here and fulfill. Still I can be fulfill, even I do reminisce that this world is unfair, so are the people. People who never wanted to think even for a mere moment. Human being is the worst of all. They should have think carefully before bringing something up. They need to have a little respect for themselves beforehand and not the other way around. I'm sick of these stuck-ups. What are the words to describe this feeling? It’s not working with rant, not even rage, maybe vent. That’s all that I’m capable of doing.
I could hardly believe it that I had actually went through these two weeks. I could manage my anger and not flare up instead. Everything was a breeze. Even if there were some pests or twerps blocking my way. I don't hate people anyone but I totally dislike some of their unacceptable behavior. It’s unfair to everyone. I know that I’m not the one who gets paid for it. Yet, I don’t mind. I really don’t care but it’s UNFAIR. I know it’s not easy to talk to a twerp.
I realize that Allah is testing us…whether we can handle it wisely or instead. My friends should know that too. Got patted on the back for nothing. It is not a good thing, however much they think it is. I’m very good at keeping things to myself :’( Only Allah knows what I really feel deep inside :’( But, I just go on pretending like nothing happens, I should’ve done better, it should be better, I’ve tried my uttermost best to reach the best results. But, why this thing keeps haunting me, distracting me like a stumbling block? ‘This’ makes me fall even if that’s my own persistence, my effort. It looks like I’m falling even if the fact that I don’t… It looks like everything I’ve done has ended up to no avail. Just lay off people.
Well, a saying above can describe all that happens in my school. Some people just never realize about their mistakes until they are caught by teachers or parents or even the society all around. But, what a life, right? That is so injustice. It’s even funnier when other people didn't care much about the people who did the same things as they who are caught. I can’t even imagine how that feeling of knowing that I have been seen as a delinquent while the others are freely sense the enjoyment :/ But, I’m not talking about me. It’s about the problems that happen around us almost every day. I can’t say that I’m innocent, I know where I stand and who I am. We can call it’s normal. Yet I still think it’s morbid. That’s my opinion on that matter. I have a commitment issue. Everybody has a different point of view. That’s okay.
Goshh! Do you really think I'm talking behind people's back?!
I’m so tired of all these kiddos. Why do they hate on someone based on what others feel about them? Don’t they think even once that what’s the actual point to hate someone who never done anything bad to them? Even if something happens because of certain circumstances that made by the person itself, why do you feel there is a need to interfere? I don’t think so. There is no way you can get things better, but you may be the person who makes it even worse instead. Let’s make it simple, why don’t you just be nice to people who are good to you? If you don’t like someone, can’t you just reprimand them in an appropriate way? Bear in mind that nothing will get solved with hatred and violence. Mature up!
27 MARCH 2014, 12:57 PM : Everyone makes mistakes, no matter what kind it is, but you have to be strong, they will keep gauging you, making you down. But, nobody owns you. If things happen beyond the line, just tell me and I’ll stand up for you and of course be there for you. I know you better than everyone of them. I can stand up for you. Leave everything to Allah :’) He knows what’s best! :’D
For my dearest SISTER (who's desperately struggling in her life) :
25 MARCH 2014, 12:47 AM : She’s been having a hard time lately to accept the reality that her best friend in primary school is no longer close to her. Lil sis, you need to know that, losing a friend sometime is the part of growing up. It isn’t that they are mature enough, but people change. You’ve changed. I’ve changed. Everybody will, either in a good way or instead. You have to go through it, though. Be strong. Just keep this in mind, there will always a rainbow after the rain xD
For my dearest SISTER (who's desperately struggling in her life) :
25 MARCH 2014, 12:47 AM : She’s been having a hard time lately to accept the reality that her best friend in primary school is no longer close to her. Lil sis, you need to know that, losing a friend sometime is the part of growing up. It isn’t that they are mature enough, but people change. You’ve changed. I’ve changed. Everybody will, either in a good way or instead. You have to go through it, though. Be strong. Just keep this in mind, there will always a rainbow after the rain xD
Dear people who chopped me out,
I don't know where did I go wrong, some of you just pushed me away just as if I was not a human. I know that I don't get along with some people well.
I know that I lose my temper quite easily, but you know I am a human. I guess some of these smart arses just have no idea that I'm also like them.
However, I know I'm different than the rest of you. I talk a lot...just to those who I adore. It doesn't exactly mean that I dislike people who I hardly talk to.
Why don't you take just a little time to gauge every inch of you? I mean like how you treat me. Right.
Let's make it clear, I cherish people who treat me with hospitality and right be back at them as well. You think I'm boring? Well, enough of that perception.
Used up stereotype. That's why I've been chopped out by everyone. Only some of them left. Why am I so negative? Am I negative? That's just how I feel.
I can't run from it, no matter how much I've tried. Yet I feel so discombobulated. I am afraid that one day I will have to let these things off my chest.
And everyone will leave me. Just like how some people did. I don't want to be close to anyone anymore. I will cherish every moment that I have today,
just as if tomorrow I'm going to be gone. People around me, who slipped away, chopped me out think that I'm not exist. That's so not fair.
AKU RASA BUKAN AKU SORANG JAK BUAT KAU MARAH. KAU NDA PERNAH TERFIKIRKAH YANG KAU TU PUN PERNAH BUAT SALAH SAMA AKU?
But, I didn't want to make a mountain out of a molehill! You're the one who did it! Then why all the blame is on me? I can't stand being invisible.
You won't understand because you think I don't deserve any of your consideration. Maybe because I'm nothing in your eyes.
You have no idea how much I want to kill you. If I could, I would kill you by now.
I've tried so hard to be kind and treat them nicely so they know that I'm just as 'good' as anyone they know. I know Allah is listening to me.
I know Allah just wanted to test me. I know that Allah knows that I did my part to say sorry once and twice. Then, He will do the rest.
Hate me so much until you forgot that Allah is here. Looking at us and waiting who is going to say sorry first. Just as I mentioned, I did my part.
He will do the rest. There is now between you and Him. I will stay as far away as I can. We will soon forget each other and go through this life with new good people.
Past is past. I will keep my word.
Please know that, I'm not dead yet. I'm not dead yet.
To those people who chopped me out.
Sincerely, Qyra.
I don't know where did I go wrong, some of you just pushed me away just as if I was not a human. I know that I don't get along with some people well.
I know that I lose my temper quite easily, but you know I am a human. I guess some of these smart arses just have no idea that I'm also like them.
However, I know I'm different than the rest of you. I talk a lot...just to those who I adore. It doesn't exactly mean that I dislike people who I hardly talk to.
Why don't you take just a little time to gauge every inch of you? I mean like how you treat me. Right.
Let's make it clear, I cherish people who treat me with hospitality and right be back at them as well. You think I'm boring? Well, enough of that perception.
Used up stereotype. That's why I've been chopped out by everyone. Only some of them left. Why am I so negative? Am I negative? That's just how I feel.
I can't run from it, no matter how much I've tried. Yet I feel so discombobulated. I am afraid that one day I will have to let these things off my chest.
And everyone will leave me. Just like how some people did. I don't want to be close to anyone anymore. I will cherish every moment that I have today,
just as if tomorrow I'm going to be gone. People around me, who slipped away, chopped me out think that I'm not exist. That's so not fair.
AKU RASA BUKAN AKU SORANG JAK BUAT KAU MARAH. KAU NDA PERNAH TERFIKIRKAH YANG KAU TU PUN PERNAH BUAT SALAH SAMA AKU?
But, I didn't want to make a mountain out of a molehill! You're the one who did it! Then why all the blame is on me? I can't stand being invisible.
You won't understand because you think I don't deserve any of your consideration. Maybe because I'm nothing in your eyes.
You have no idea how much I want to kill you. If I could, I would kill you by now.
I've tried so hard to be kind and treat them nicely so they know that I'm just as 'good' as anyone they know. I know Allah is listening to me.
I know Allah just wanted to test me. I know that Allah knows that I did my part to say sorry once and twice. Then, He will do the rest.
Hate me so much until you forgot that Allah is here. Looking at us and waiting who is going to say sorry first. Just as I mentioned, I did my part.
He will do the rest. There is now between you and Him. I will stay as far away as I can. We will soon forget each other and go through this life with new good people.
Past is past. I will keep my word.
Please know that, I'm not dead yet. I'm not dead yet.
To those people who chopped me out.
Sincerely, Qyra.
I don't really talk to him (brother) in real life and we argue over small things sometimes but we do agree on certain things. So, to any people out there who don't know about us would think that we are both so cold and full of hatred jut because of the way we talk about one another. I don’t hate him one bit. We have each other’s blood flowing through our veins so it’s kind of absurd to get power-crazed about. Lately he involved in discipline problems in school. I don’t know, peer pressure? I don’t see it that way. He’s a smart person so why did he get influenced easily? But, it’s okay. No one is perfect. C’mon, there’s nothing on him to brag about. I dislike it when he has troubles in school. It is okay being punished for small discipline problems but what he was in about was not only one thing, there were some that we didn’t know. No matter how hard he tried to hide it away we would find out eventually. And I was the first person to smell something fishy before my parents. Thank God that my parents didn’t fly off the handle and decide to meet his teacher in school. My mom is a teacher too. I couldn’t imagine how she felt to be in that situation. But I believe that she could handle it professionally as a teacher. I should remember that she is a mother too. Which mom doesn’t go mad if someone throws a hand on their children. My parents never touched my brother. Have you ever heard of psychology attack? Yes! That’s what they did. There’s one thing that I scared would happen to him. They wouldn’t see my brother the way they see him before. Not my parents at least. It’s about the teachers in school. We are only bad when we are caught! I couldn’t agree more about this statement. Actually, my brother isn’t entirely a bad person. He just a lost boy who did silly mistakes. I hope he will be better and prove them that he still has what it takes! Get A’s in SPM! Ameen….
I once had an online friend named Tehami, Australian Muslim, goes to private school. We both planned to keep up with other but it didn't live up to expectation as I deleted him out of my friendlist and also intentionally blocked my own skype and I no longer use it. I wouldn't have done that if it wasn't because of him.
- 2014
I once had an online friend named Niche, older than me, a guy from Johor. 34 years old and I was 13. We contacted through messenger. Well, no longer using it. I missed him. We used to share with one another. He was one a lonely old man when I met him. I never really met him but when we got to know each other.
- 2014
I once had an online friend named Niche, older than me, a guy from Johor. 34 years old and I was 13. We contacted through messenger. Well, no longer using it. I missed him. We used to share with one another. He was one a lonely old man when I met him. I never really met him but when we got to know each other.
