Crushed by Crushing on Crush

I've been here for almost 6 months already and it felt so drastic, everything still feels very new. Seriously I think that I shouldn't have done that in the first place and things at least could've been a whole lot easier than how it is right now. I mean, I shouldn't have planned on adoring someone. Especially when myself, is well aware that he won't be going out with someone like me. I solemnly think that he's been hypocrite lately. Yep. I should've realized that earlier and not trying to mindset myself, trying hard to force my head to believe that 'he's great', 'nahh, he's not that shallow', 'lol he likes you if you're nice, it doesn't matter how you look'. Screw it. Looks do matter. It's true that people will run away even before getting to know me. Imagine if I were a little bit more beautiful or at least skinny, he would've tried to get closed to me and know me better.

I do like someone based on their looks sometimes, I do. Seriously, but I'm NOT easily swept away by their charms alone. Nope. How shallow people can be? You tell me. Can't you see good in things? I know I AM, I see negativity in everything, but you're not me! You can't be like me. It's not healthy. I don't know. I forced myself too much to believe and think positive. No, it can't be right. Don't you think? I'm not trying to make you believe that I'm a good person. It's you who decide how you see something. I have my bad side too, we all have. Let's forget about hypocrasy cause I'm so done with it, all my life I've been wallowing in stereotype and hypocrasy and mentality society wants us to be but it doesn't necessarily mean that I need to be part of that. I'm entitled to my opinion. Well, it's just my opinion. 

Some people might think that this writing is about condemning or demanding society to stop being shallow and start accepting people regardless their appearances. Well, sorry. Your mentality is just plain wrong. Ops, sorry. Maybe it's not right to decide if someone is in the wrong or right. Then it depends on how you think tho. 

You know what? Saying that you can't make someone to like you back is just as same as telling the other person to stop liking them. Double standard happens here. *You don't know what double standard is then google it. True. We can't force feelings. So how could you tell them to stop having such a feeling on someone? How? You tell me.

In a way I see it, 

It's okay if they don't feel the same way as I do, just let me be. I know if they feel like they don't want to hurt me as it already is now but I do appreciate that good intention. And it they ever feel burdened by it, don't be. Why bother, right? It's not their fault tho. Just stop telling me to stop liking you or questioning things. It's not you who gets hurt at last, it's us :)

My sincere unsolicited advice that you should take : Never ever say that you're only attracted to one's soul. Pretending not being shallow is outright hypocrasy. Lumrahlah suka benda cantik :)

The perfect flawed and fallible person x