I thought all I wanted was being in a relationship like any normal people but I've realized a few things. First, I'm just lonely and bored. Second, I need someone to talk to, are there any girls who want to be on the phone with another girl anyway? I don't think so. And one thing, are there also any guys who want to have a chat as friends and keep it that way? Nope. Third, I think I'm just insisting myself to have a normal life like any teenagers out there, but couple thingy don't apply to me, and really, I can't relate to anything about relationships. I know I don't want a partner, just a friend to talk to. About anything. To keep up contact on the phone.
I did think about living a family life in the future, but I stopped thinking about it cause I don't feel like having other family beside my family right now. Guess I'm gonna live alone once I leave home. I've been plagued by depression all this while and I think it has affected my life to the point of unwilling to hold any responsibilities in the future. I don't think I can handle any further though. Myself, now I feel like tinted with past memories that forced me to change me. I can't wait to write another chapter of my life sooner, soon after I finish my diploma, well, if I ever had the chance to finish it...how the hell can I think about anything else other than that right? Not even a relationship? Unfortunately yes.
...Now I understand it. I only need company to stick by my side come rain and shine. However, it's difficult to get myself one, haven't been good at making friends. I feel funny because sometimes I feel like I need to pay someone to be my friend, who is willing to live with me and do whatever I say. Well that sounds abusive, but no! I'm gonna love that person forever and all he needs to do is love me back and take care of me. Hold me when depression takes over me and when anxiety cripples. That's it.
