Ahhh. I thought befriender said that they'll keep our conversation confidential like if there's one volunteer talks to me so that means she/he will keep it only between us and will catch up again later, well I didn't expect that they even keep my message long time ago but I love the fact that they actually ask my progress from time to time although there's gonna be different volunteer each time. Frankly, I like this one volunteer but I don't know his/her name, I already asked, but no reply afterward. This person even brings the phone with her/him home, not like the first one I talked to. He seemed like he just wanted the conversation to end quickly and his respond wasn't all satisfying though. I'm glad I'm talking to the other volunteer now. I know they can't help me anything but to merely lend their ears.
Ahhh...How could I get it wrong. So I was looking for vacancies at Mudah.my and I stumbled upon this job as a caller at Solace Sabah. I felt curious what it actually was so I clicked the link directed to their page. I read into all of information and decided to email them my problem, thought they had something for me. I did receive a call shortly after that. I was asked whether my problem has got anything to do with addiction and I was like, "oh god, they cure addiction not my psychological problem", but still I felt a little comfortable when she, her name is Helena, was willing to listen to my problem, but really, I didn't feel comfortable to vent since I'm not an addict and after that she told me to go to an asylum in KK, said I'll get proper treatment on my, inner trouble. I took her advice but still don't consider to go..
tell me it's OK
What's happening now...
- I'm in form 6
- Live in my parents' house
- Childish
- Throw tantrum
- Depressed
- No money
- Escapist
- Quit form 6
- Stay home
- Start online business
- Help family doing chores so they don't have to
- Everyone to stop questioning my choice
- Stop being attached to past memories
- Start being mature
- Start a new life as homegirl
What I really feel...
- Delirious
- Depressed
- Lost
- Sick
- Unhappy
- Sad
- Worry
- Scared
What I really like to do...
- Singing
- Writing
- Watching movies, shows.
If I had the chance to change my life...
- Start college
- Live alone
- Produce films
- Start business
- Youtubing
- Work in social agencies
- Leave home
What's stopping me...
- Relatives
- Friends
- No money
- Past
- Future
- No money
- Past
- Future
- Teachers
- Governments
What I really hope...
- To know what's wrong with me
- People to tell me it's okay
- People to make me feel better
- Being happy
- People to tell me it's okay
- People to make me feel better
- Being happy
2016 LifeLine
04/01/16 - I almost passed out at the assembly, thank God I had this one friend who helped me. See mate? This is one of the reasons why we should have friends. Bukan saja utk menyusahkan ko, tapi tolong ko juak nanti. Yang menyusahkan tu aku, yg membantu tu dialah. K. Tu ja. I was sent to a room, I don't know what room that is, stor mungkin. Antahlah. Dengarnya ni sekolah mau buat sistem merit demerit. Haihh ni sekolah. So we are all 100% clean for the first day.
05/01/16 -
- Punya barat hati mau pi sekolah, kesian. 19 tahun tapi masih pi sekolah, gila punya kerja. Well, baruku faham yg before this I was in middle school, now it is called High School *if I'm not mistaken. If I say I wanna quit, they say I'm giving up too easily. I don't quit education, just form 6 bah. They don't understand and they won't. Itu hakikat.
- Punya barat hati mau pi sekolah, kesian. 19 tahun tapi masih pi sekolah, gila punya kerja. Well, baruku faham yg before this I was in middle school, now it is called High School *if I'm not mistaken. If I say I wanna quit, they say I'm giving up too easily. I don't quit education, just form 6 bah. They don't understand and they won't. Itu hakikat.
06/01/16 -
- Well, the PNP started today, I didn't feel very well and I kept falling asleep in class. There's one thing that I think shouldn't be forgotten and needed to be written here, my KMK teacher, aku suka ni cigu, selalu buat orang ketawa and rasa selesa, pandai betul jadi manusia, sometimes I think others need to learn from him.
- Ingatkan sistem merit demerit ni saja yg kena buat, ada lagi...balik jam 2.50 sudah. Okay. That's cool. Even cooler than any school I've attended. I tried to hint my parents about quitting form 6, yet they didn't even close to thinking that. Seriously saya cuma mau berhenti form 6 dan teruskan hidup dirumah tolong parents buat kerja rumah and my other siblings boleh teruskan impian orang tua. Bolehkah begitu?
- I know what they would say if they find out about this, "Don't even think about that, you're the eldest, you have to be a role model to your brothers and sisters, don't you feel pity for your parents who have worked hard to get you to form 6? Don't you want to see them happy?" It sickens me. It sickens me. It sickens me. Why do I need to listen to people who never walked my path? Who never even listened to me? Who never knew my everyday struggle? My inner problem? Who can never ever ever put their feet in my shoes? But that what they would say, don't they?
- Well, the PNP started today, I didn't feel very well and I kept falling asleep in class. There's one thing that I think shouldn't be forgotten and needed to be written here, my KMK teacher, aku suka ni cigu, selalu buat orang ketawa and rasa selesa, pandai betul jadi manusia, sometimes I think others need to learn from him.
- Ingatkan sistem merit demerit ni saja yg kena buat, ada lagi...balik jam 2.50 sudah. Okay. That's cool. Even cooler than any school I've attended. I tried to hint my parents about quitting form 6, yet they didn't even close to thinking that. Seriously saya cuma mau berhenti form 6 dan teruskan hidup dirumah tolong parents buat kerja rumah and my other siblings boleh teruskan impian orang tua. Bolehkah begitu?
- I know what they would say if they find out about this, "Don't even think about that, you're the eldest, you have to be a role model to your brothers and sisters, don't you feel pity for your parents who have worked hard to get you to form 6? Don't you want to see them happy?" It sickens me. It sickens me. It sickens me. Why do I need to listen to people who never walked my path? Who never even listened to me? Who never knew my everyday struggle? My inner problem? Who can never ever ever put their feet in my shoes? But that what they would say, don't they?
07/01/16 - I don't go school, lagipun hari ni ada rentas desa. merit demerit sudah potong 5, 95% lah kan totalnya. Tambah lagi aku ndak hantar kerja kemarin, jadilah 90%, itupun kalau cigu tu kira sekali. I couldn't care less. Sorry not sorry. Why am I forced to do things I don't want? BECAUSE everyone is doing so. Everything that is outside of normality, is a disgrace. You don't get out as a diplo/degree holder, so that automatically puts you in low class or even the lowest hierarchy. Don't deny it. This is fact. Even people like me who is about to give up school see it the same way.
08/01/16 -
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