So, I was not in any sorts of mood all day Yesterday when one of my close friends finally opened up to me. Felt so empty, but enough to leave me wallowing in questions. Honestly, I thought the fight wasn't all about me, but my name was the only one mentioned that I almost think that I'm the reason why she remained quiet but was full of rages pent up inside.
I listened and tried to understand her that day instead of depicting my own resentment, but I've been giving it a lot of thought last night and I think I've got conclusion for this matter. ALL this fucken time I thought I was a good friend among all of us, not the best one but a good friend and I honestly felt I never hurt people and I didn't expect them to feel offensive as well. The funny thing is no one told me how my acts sometimes hurt. It's okay to put all the blame on me. I'm a person and I do make mistakes. I know this is cliche and overused, but still even I've been told that I get the respect but that doesn't mean you can talk behind my back or keep things alone.
Why told me it was constantly better when you were with us, me before? The message last time was what I thought enough to show I was a good person, but then it turned out that I'm the one who stirs up shit storm. You said I've never been on your side and called you prejudice while the rest are instead. I honestly don't know where and when. Probably it was overlooked, but I'm still wondering when did I say it and why couldn't you realize that I always wanted you to stop giving even a single fuck to what bothers you. I'm not on everyone's side at all. That's what you should know.. but you're my friend. I'm trying to make you feel better everytime things go downhill but all I got was a pack of rages.
Since everything had already been explained. I think I'm gonna go with it. As for them, they can go on looking for compatible companions. I will stay with those who stick around. I want a friend who can accept me for who I am honestly and I no longer give a shit to same-wavelength friends. What a wishful thinker. I don't hate them. I don't. I'm just so over it. All this time I was wrapped up in the feeling of bliss for having friends and for friends having me as their faithful supporter and trust me to be their shoulder to cry on or to vent to or to have their back. Now, I don't feel like things get better. It just gets completely twisted. No kidding.
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