Depression at its BEST

I didn't attend school for the past two days. No, I mean almost a week. I got a phone call Yesterday, ahhh that's why I need to go so I could have a meeting with my class teacher. I don't know the exact problem, I lost my courage. Like last week I felt half there and things got brighter than before, but the challenges never stop hitting me right in the head. Things became upside down. It took an effort to face the obstacles when you're alone, it's quite a game. I'm surrounded by people whom I can call 'unique', I was trying to help them emotionally, I ain't no therapy but I thought I knew them cause I know how it feels to be bothered by your own shadow, by your own fear, it does have to do with personality disorder. None can understand but ourselves. Who else tho? I'm helpless at the end. It doesn't feel right.

People like us. Nobody would be willing to put their shoes in ours.

Even before, I do struggle with depression for a very long time and never really seek for helps cause I thought it didn't come to the point where I should get one. I'm too embarrassed to confront anyone. I'm afraid if they find out I'm mentally unstable. I mean, what if they slip away? What would they say? They asked me if I was okay, well I told them, I opened up, only to have it end with judgy looks and annoying feedback. Telling me to cope with it or seek help. And then soon after I felt guilty. I shouldn't have told them in the first place.

I'm telling myself everyday that I'm still sane, like I'm healthy up here. lol. I don't socialize much, I dislike crowds, I feel bothered, I'm paranoid, su******. Even a counsellor in my school said I've already created my own world and told me to get back to Allah. She's right. All I need is Allah. I just hope He would vanish my sadness and trade it with happiness. In Sha Allah. One thing is that I'm afraid to get too attached to people, I don't really talk to people like scarcely ever, if I talk to someone, they must be approachable or a bit different than public stereotypical. I love it that way. The problem is that I'm too much to handle, mood swing and constant personality confuse. Only those who can stand will stay... In Sha Allah.

Writing makes me feel better. I love writing. A lot. This is how I channel my anger or sadness.